The Most Important Era of the

“Weems Family”

History is the first 2000 years

(You must read this chronology to truly understand the “Weems”)

To begin this genealogical study of my family I
immediately assert:

I am a direct descendant of Adam.

 I, of course, am also a direct descendent of Eve. But those of you who are just beginning to work with your genealogical line will soon discover that tracing female forebears with their ever changing names is a much more difficult task.

I enjoy the assumption that I am a descendant of Adam because Adam is an extremely well known person, famous in fact. It is exciting to discover through genealogical study that you are related to a famous person. It gives one certain bragging rights in conversations focusing on ancestors. It enhances your personal prestige to be able to illustrate that the blood running through your veins separates one from the masses.

As an academic, I know that I will be challenged by making the bold claim of being a direct descendent of a person known to virtually every man, woman and child on earth. I am prepared to face the test of academic inquiry. I realize there will be a demand for hard evidence that such an assertion is true. I am also prepared and understand that even should I produce hard evidence a ‘questioning academic’ will obviously be obligated to show strong skepticism of my findings. This is simply the nature of the beast.

I enjoy ‘questioning academics.’ Academia is my background and chosen profession. Questioning academics will try your patience, but their aggressiveness will also keep you on your toes. I assure you an academic does not blend in with the masses. I was once walking down the sidewalk, with a friend, near the headquarters of The Southern Baptist Convention in Nashville, Tennessee. Coming toward us was a very properly dressed man in a conservative black suit wearing a subdued tie. My friend whispered to me, I can tell, just by looking at the man, he is obviously a Baptist preacher, or else he has a bad case of indigestion. Much of the same observation can be made about many academics. They just stand out.

Now, why would I be so bold as to start my thesis with an outrageous claim such as the one I have now asserted? I am forced to admit that I am not certain of Adam’s last name. I haven’t talked with any of his children or grandchildren. I have not seen his will. I don’t know where his tombstone is located. He appears in no census. He has no military record. Any student of literature will tell you that using this outrageous claim, as the basis of my genealogical study, unsubstantiated, will place the substance of the rest of my work in academic jeopardy. If the foundation is weak then the building will never stand.

Starting a work under such a black cloud hovering over my academic pursuit, does immediately put pressure on me to bolster my claim. Should this matter not be cleared up it will become apparent that other future assertions might also be viewed equally as weak. 

Should such an expected challenge occur, in rebuttal, I will use the time honored academic tactic of ‘begging the question.’ To properly beg the question, it is necessary to change the subject, and attack the attacker. When this reversal of advantage is initiated the academic joust is on.

I will ask my adversary, “Can you square numbers in your head?”

I will immediately follow speaking in a firm voice, “Can you be shown a number and identify its cube root?”

I will conclude with, “can you add large columns of numbers simply by looking at the array?’

“Well I can.”

 As you see, I am no longer on the defensive but have immediately moved strongly to the offensive. My questioner will now be slightly off balance and for self preservation will have to dance lightly to keep his or her skirts clean. I now have established a slightly superior academic stature and have shown my scholarship is not one with which to be trifled.

When it is clear your scholarship is being challenged, you must move quickly to assume a commanding position. As you can see, it is strongly implied, anyone who cannot square numbers in his head, has difficulty extracting the cube root from a large number or even might stumble when adding a large array of numbers without notation, is certainly in no position to question my descending from Adam.

Those of you who are interested, but do not take a belligerent or arrogant attitude toward my work as the questioning academic, might appreciate my reasoning on this matter. In answering the less belligerent I would once again establish the high ground. I would answer in grave tones; I did not come to my conclusion lightly. I have pondered on this matter over many years. My studies lead me to the conclusion, Adam is everyone’s ancestor.

The thesis is now established that there is a very high probability Adam is indeed my ancestor, and I am obviously one of his direct descendants. It is also my conjecture that Adam’s surname might very well be Weems, but my research is not yet to the stage to make such a claim.

As I moved forward from Adam and trace my lineage it became apparent, from historical study, my forebears did not behave very well. I will not dwell on specifics, but needless to say they were obviously living the ‘Joie De Livre.’

It wasn't too long after Adam that my ancestors must have began some questionable behavior. This was noticed and God pronounced, “Fun is fun, but your behavior is now getting ridiculous.” As history serves us, God then went into a mulling stage to determine the best way to discipline my forebears and set them on the right path. The conclusion was somewhat surprising, but we will have to admit effective. He decided on flooding the world and killing all of my ancestors along with several others.

God left only Uncle Noah and his family to populate the earth. I have to announce the sad conclusion that I lost all of my ancestors in one catastrophic event, with the exception, of course of Uncle Noah. This event does clearly establish my ancestors originated in the Middle East which opens up possibilities of kinship with any number of famous Biblical personalities.

Unfortunately, the flooding event required that I start over again with ancestors. But it is my philosophy one must look on the bright side. With everyone in the world gone there wasn't much competition in competing for work and there was certainly much work available. With the root to my family tree narrowed to one, the genealogical search was somewhat simplified.

The event which took my ancestors had to be spectacular. Mt. Everest is 29,035 feet high. The flood covered Mt. Everest by some 27 feet. So we can conclude the water was 29,062 feet deep. Loving mathematics I will convert this depth to inches. Of course this translates into quite a number of inches. It calculates to 348,744 inches. Knowing this deluge was leashed upon the earth in 40 days and 40 nights makes the inches it rained each twenty four hour period an astounding 8,718+ inches. This leads me to the conclusion that some of my original ancestors must have misbehaved more than I first thought. Nevertheless, they lived a good and interesting life, but did come to an untimely end.

Almost everyone's favorite subject is History. It gives us insight into the past. A common expression used by well known personalities suggests.

Only History can judge the true impact of current decisions.

Such statements place a great burden on History. Those who write works of historical significance need to realize, there is a scarcity of real tools allowing one to gain the perspective necessary to judge the events preceding us. As we rely on any written history, it is important to realize the writer's handicaps in portraying events in a real and proper perspective.

Written History is only the smallest fraction of actual History. The greatest mass of total history is either Oral History or Forgotten History. Written History is less than .000000000001+ percent of this total. As you can see, this makes written History statistically insignificant. I bring this amusing point up only to point out historical scholarship has to be suspect at least. As we do our research it is important to realize the information we are gathering by standing on the shoulders of others is always suspect as to it actual authenticity.

I found this humbling fact to be true in this current project. There were great discrepancies in birth and death dates. The spelling of names actually often didn't agree. Macbeth, a familiar name in both Scottish history and English literature is an example. Mac Bethad mac Findlich is known in English as Macbeth. As a point of fact most all of the original names of early ancestors have been anglicized. Other names have only been sounded and never actually written. Spelling was used to best represent the sound of the name, but in reality was often not even very close. We must also remember that in earlier times people did not have surnames.

Let me evaluate Oral History. The vast amount of history we remember is Oral History. This is information one gains by listening. Let me share with you an example of Oral History with which you might relate. If you were to question my children or my grandchildren you would find they believe when I was young, I was superlative in almost every way. Certainly, I was a person who subsequent generations would do well to emulate. I was the smartest person in my grade each and every year. I was Captain of the athletic teams and led the league in scoring. I dated only the prettiest of coeds and my telephone rang off the hook. This is an example of Oral History. It is my hope these tales will be passed down to future generations enhancing my legend.

Should, through some unexpected event, one of my contemporaries appear and attempt to discredit any of these accomplishments; I will rely on recently enacted government regulations guarding my right to privacy. Should such a person produce objective material such as report cards and year books they will be in serious legal jeopardy. They could well be facing a long sentence in a nearby penitentiary and fined considerable amounts of money that will accrue to the asset side of my personal ledger. The moral to this story I think is obvious; testimony from an eye witness source does not necessarily improve the accuracy of a statement.

I use this personal example to suggest Oral History is often not very reliable. It is virtually always colored and slanted to suit the person who is relating the story. Indeed, this is also as true in written history, but there is a slightly better chance for objectivity from a person who is writing history using a limited number of facts.

We Genealogist have a penchant for famous people. I am currently implying to my friends that I am closely related to Paris Hilton, Anna Nichole Smith and Marilyn Monroe. I also think there is a good chance I am related to King David. I have already established my roots were based in the Middle East. Assuming I am right about King David, I consider this a coup for my family line.

I am basing this assumption about King David on a mathematical algorithm. A fact you will find later in this genealogical study is the name David is very prominent in my already established family lineage. It would help considerably if I could establish the fact that King David’s surname was Weems. Unfortunately, historically significant people of the early eras were not much into surnames. Without the hoped for surname, I have to rely on statistical evidence. There are two possibilities. King David was a Weems or he wasn’t a Weems. With the possibilities reduced to two choices it would appear I have only a 50% chance of King David not being in my family line.

This leads me to the possibility that the Weems Clan could be one of the lost tribes of Israel. I know the name Weems is not mentioned in the Bible as a lost tribe, but, one must remember these tribes were lost. At least this opens the door to the possibility of a tribe named Weems. We know my ancestors who were living in Babel decided to build a tower to heaven. I think this decision was based on their past experience before the great flood. The flood had proved  that the Weems had not having secured a position any where close to the right hand of God.

They must have concluded their best chance of getting into paradise was by building a tower to Heaven and then climbing over the wall.

My ancestors must have been getting close to success because God became nervous and knocked the top off of the tower. The next step taken by God, under the guise of discipline, was to change the language of each tribe making communication extremely difficult. The tribes were then dispersed to distant geographic areas of the world.

Sounds like a bit of overkill, but who am I to be the judge. Nevertheless, my tribe was condemned to speak Tennessee English. This particular curse makes me difficult to be understood by most people with whom I converse over the telephone. I consider this language barrier additional proof the Weems might indeed be one of the lost tribes.   

I think I should expand on this Biblical period of the Weems History. I shall call it the Biblical Years. Unfortunately, during this period no one appeared to have a surname. Not even our illustrious family. With only given names as a reference one must make some small conjecture about their family history during this important period. 

The Biblical Years

After the flood it was necessary for my family to regroup. I am now down to one ancestor and that you see is a very thin line. This means if Noah had one small misstep or a serious accident, my family would be extinct. To have an insight into our family history at this time I am going to have to turn to the before mentioned conjecture. That means that I just might be somewhat hazy about precise facts and precise turns of events.

You must remember that history was primarily oral or forgotten particularly during this period of time. Very little history was being written. The scarcity of written history stemmed from the fact very few people could write. Compounding this problem, should something of historical significance be written, there was virtually no one who knew how to read it.

After things dried out, my ancestors began to be fruitful and multiplied. There were a very few people now living on earth. It is an unfortunate fact that the people left were all related to each other by blood. This scarce number created some problems when it came to the regeneration of the earth. It is not a great leap to assume that there was at least some incest prevalent during these early times. It is my opinion that the Weems were the product of one of these incestuous relationships. My Mother always said the Weems were peculiar.

The next highly significant situation with which they were confronted was an event which I will refer to as the Sodom and Gomorrah incident. I regret to report the Weems predecessors were not among the righteous men for whom Abraham was searching. If you recall, God told Abraham that if he could find one righteous man among the inhabitants of the two cities, Sodom and Gomorrah would be spared.

Abraham quickly ruled the Weems out as possibilities for nomination. But he had little success looking elsewhere either. Consequently there was nothing left for Abraham to do but get out of town. He was just to the outskirts when the catastrophe hit. Fire and Brimstone make for a very ugly looking storm. When this torrent hit Sodom and Gomorrah without warning, it captured my ancestors in whatever compromising situation they were in at the time of the disaster.

Were we to travel today to this historic area and dig into this large mountain of brimstone, we along with other archeologist would likely establish the fact that God was correct in taking the Weems out. This once again thinned the ranks of Weems considerably. I hate to admit it, but several branches of our family I am sure needed to be pared from the family tree.

The years our family spent in Egypt are what I would like to call ‘Forgettable Years’. Times were bad in our section of the world. All of the crops had failed and the area had turned to nothing more than a dust bowl. Our most prominent member of the family was now in Egypt and living it up. The reason he was in Egypt was something of a sad story. To be honest about the matter, we sold him to some Egyptians. He had irritated us over a coat his Daddy had given him. That might seem like a small reason to sell your brother to some strangers but you know how kids are.

Well, now we were following Joseph to Egypt with our hat in our hand.  The welcoming Egyptians treated our family members well at first. Joseph had proven to have been helpful to the Pharaoh and consequently had been appointed to a high political position with accompanying perquisites.

A good thing can’t go on forever and after a period of time Joseph died. When this untimely event occurred Pharaoh didn’t know exactly what to do with us. He then had a good idea. He put us in a condition he called ’bondage.’ At first the term ‘bondage’ made it sound as if he were honoring us. We really didn’t know the exact definition of the term and it sounded sexual. Consequently, we celebrated the promotion. Remember the Weems did not have much schooling at the time and were not familiar with some of the more unfamiliar words.

We soon began to discover that this sophisticated term had a nice ring but the actual job description differed very little from slavery. Those of you familiar with the term slavery know it is not considered an honored position.

Moses was not in the country when the bondage issue took place, but he was soon recalled from a distant land to lead our family out of Egypt. To be rescued from bondage was a wonderful favor, but I am not totally sure selecting Moses as our leader was a good idea. Navigation was not Moses strongest skill. However, in his defense, I must point out none of the current GPS paraphernalia assisting in navigation was yet on the market.

He did however get us across the Red Sea which was a spectacular event. As we Weems stood on the western shore with the waves lapping at our feet, we could hear the Egyptian chariots in the distance and they were in high gear. We were beginning to realize that Pharaoh

had declared open season on we Israelites. When those waters parted, allowing us to cross the Red Sea, we couldn’t believe our eyes. Imagine standing there expecting to be slaughtered and Moses suddenly was inviting us to take a walk on the beach.

The faith Moses exhibited to part those waters was far more than a grain of mustard seed. It had to be a whole harvest of crops to accomplish this miracle. I know for a fact Moses was able to do this trick completely by himself because he wasn’t getting any help from the Weems side of the family relating to the issue of faith. It is difficult to admit, but we were totally skeptical of Moses’ ability to pull it off.

I told you earlier about following Joseph into Egypt with our hats in our hands, we had crossed the Sinai peninsular following a route over a small neck of land near the Mediterranean Sea. It took a matter of a few weeks. I hate to report this, but Moses crossed the Red Sea and turned south. We all knew the Promised Land is north of Egypt. You might wonder why we didn’t say something to Moses at the time about the navigation problem. We just didn’t want to embarrass him.

This minor mistake was the portent of a journey fraught with problems. A trip which could have been taken a few weeks ended up lasting forty years. Moses simply refused to ask directions. I am surprised his wife would let him get away with this manly characteristic. I know my wife wouldn’t let me get away with it. She would have turned the Israelites around at the next corner.

However, the time we spent at Mount Sinai was an interesting experience. We camped there for a rather long time and when there are long periods of inactivity the Weems become boisterous. Moses however didn’t take well to our partying. We should have noticed his bottom lip began to stick out and he became sullen. Knowing Moses as we do should have prepared us for some sort of serious reaction on his part. But nobody could expect him to pull the trick on us that he did. He left camp in a huff and started climbing Mount Sinai. He was gone for weeks. We began to wonder if he had run away. 

Finally, he returned carrying two large heavy stone tablets in his arms. We were really happy to see him. We ran out and greeted him with shouts of joy. This really should have been a happy occasion. But you know the Weems. One of our family members ran up to Moses and hugged him. Unfortunately this particular Weems had been sipping on a little home brew we had concocted in Moses absence. This took the edge off of the happy occasion when Moses smelled his breath. He immediately assumed all of us had drifted from our pious ways while he was gone. And to be honest, he wasn’t far from being right.

We wanted to know what was written on those heavy tablets. But all Moses said was, “There is a new Sheriff in town and there are going to be some changes made. I have a new set of rules and you are going to abide by them.”

We asked him where he had been to get the tablets. He then told us a story none of you would believe. I won’t get into all of the details but assuming he wasn’t exaggerating, nothing like it had ever happened before. Consequently, I will not water down this thesis recounting the details. If I did, I might well make the rest of my tale less credible.

We were excited and wanted to read the tablets. It was at this point we were to encounter some difficulty. We hadn’t noticed it before, but none of us could read. Nevertheless, Moses decided this should be a moment of epiphany. Consequently he strung the event out for at least two hours before he started the ceremony.

He gaveled us to attention and shouted loudly, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

We immediately shouted back excitedly, “Tell us the good news”

He answered, “I got him down to ten.”

We shouted back, “Ten what?”

He answered, “Ten Laws.”

One of our family members asked, “Why do we need laws?”

Moses answered, “Because you misbehaved and I was told to settle you down. You remember Sodom and Gomorrah don’t you?”

This comment immediately quieted the crowd. The Weems removed their hats, closed their eyes and bowed their heads in memory of the large number of relatives lost in the Sodom and Gomorrah catastrophe.

Moses then read us the contents of the two tablets.

He asked, “Are there any questions?”

One of our family members shouted, “If that is the good news what is the bad news?”

Moses answered, “He wouldn’t budge on number seven.”

There was a pause followed by a loud groan from the throng gathered before Moses. Ten rules sounded like a great many to the Israelites. We didn’t have many rules up to this point. As I contemplate their reaction to Moses I realize that today I am confronted by so many rules I pay little attention when a few more are foisted upon me. In fact, I have more than ten rules by which I must abide to exit my closet before going to dinner. Do the buttons on my jacket really have to match my pants?

We didn’t know if the laws Moses read us was actually on the tablets. None of us could read so we couldn’t dispute him. We weren’t sure that Moses could read. Some of the more skeptical of the Israelites even wondered if his vanity did not allow him to tell God that he couldn’t read. Moses might well have been making up the laws he was giving us and just acting like he was reading the tablet. He also could have been doing all of this from memory. Well, we gave him the benefit of the doubt. He really did put on a good show.

Moses then announced we were going to Jericho to live. He said we would all have homes. We would have plenty to eat. We would live by a river and could swim and frolic. It actually sounded like political promises to some of us. But we didn’t have much to lose.

We didn't know where Jericho was, but almost anything would be better than this campground at Mount Sinai. We were not however totally confident Moses would find Jericho. His navigational skills up to this point in time were less than impressive. Nevertheless to his credit he had us to Jericho in less than ten years.

When we arrived at Jericho we were excited to see the location where we were going to build our new homes. Moses had told us we would be near the Jordan River providing ample water for our community. That is very important in an arid country. To be honest we were somewhat disappointed in the Promised Land. Jericho is 1000 feet below sea level and the temperature was 115 degrees. It actually was an oasis in the middle of the desert. Not exactly the land of milk and honey we were expecting.  However, we were pleased to quit traveling and settle down for a while. That took the edge off of any disappointment.

Then the other shoe fell. Moses told us we were not going to build our homes beside Jericho. We wondered why? There were at least fifty miles of open land available in each direction for our residences.

He said that was not the plan. We had to take Jericho away from the Jerichoans. We all let out a loud groan. One of our family members asked Moses wouldn’t it be better to build a city beside Jericho. We could call them the ‘Twin Cities.’

This did not set well with Moses. You are not going to believe the rest of the story. He told us we each going to have a torch, a trumpet and a pitcher. That was all we were going to have with which to fight. No weapons were to be allowed. This new injunction gave us pause. He then told us that Joshua was going to lead us around the city for seven days. At the conclusion of this massive hike we would take our torches out of pitchers and brandish them high. After more marching we would blow our trumpets in unison the walls would come falling down.

I will have to admit that to a man, none of us believed this insanity was going to work. We even began to grumble. Our complaints sank our spirits low.  We even discussed petty things such as where Moses had been keeping this massive amount of trumpetry during our forty year picnic. The prospect of marching around Jericho for seven days with little prospect for success was certainly on our mind.

Morale was pretty low. But to his credit, as he promised, we followed his instructions and the walls did fall down and the Jerichoans did leave. He delivered and we had a new home. I look back on this experience and wondered why we had doubted Moses ability so often. I think it must have been the forty year hike that kept us in a bad mood.

The tumbling of the walls and the Jerichoans leaving was the good news. As usual good news is followed by bad news. Moses then informed us that we were going to build the walls back. Honestly, we could have built our “Twin Cities” far easier than we could build the walls back. Remember back then a house was only four mud walls and a thatched roof. It wasn’t rocket science to build a house. The homes didn’t have utilities or plumbing to install. However why complain. It wouldn’t do any good anyway.

One of the more creative of the Weems came up with a good idea. He suggested that we get the torches and the trumpets and reverse our walk around the city for seven days, stop, break the jugs, raise the torches and blow the trumpets. He reasoned that the walls might reassemble themselves. It would only take a seven day investment to test this theory. Moses arbitrarily vetoed his idea.

Moses later decided to retire. He built a nice home on Mount Nebo. I sometimes wonder if he was a little concerned about leading us into the actual ‘Promised Land’ over near Mount Mariah. This mount was the location where the temple was later to be built. He had been spinning this milk and honey tale so long he had our expectations extremely high.  Should the Promised Land not turn out to be all that he had been portraying, this might lead to a mutiny and could be life threatening.

We did move from Jericho over closer to the coast. Saul was now King and was having a serious territorial dispute with the Philistines. This is where our Cousin David came into prominence. The kid was 15 years old. He had brought some presents to his brothers that were serving in the army. He heard Goliath’s challenge to fight the Champion of the Israelites. He immediately went to King Saul and his Commanding General Abner, offering to fight Goliath thus ending the war.

No one in their right mind would put any trust in the hope David could defeat the Giant. As a matter of fact I had hoped a Weems would step up to the plate and take Goliath out. This would have given our family line a considerable boost and probably a substantial political appointment (with accompanying perquisites.) Unfortunately all of Weems politely declined this wonderful opportunity. I have always thought that was a mistake.

King Saul told David he couldn’t risk having him accept the challenge to fight Goliath. King Saul’s reasoning was the challenge contained an agreement the loser of their personal duel would have serious consequences for all of the Israelites. The loser of their battle required the whole of the army to surrender into defeat and become prisoners of the other army. Neither side looked forward to this conclusion.

Even at 15 years of age, David was no fool. He explained to Saul that there was another way out. He went on to explain that if he should be defeated by Goliath simply don’t surrender. King Saul admitted he hadn’t thought of the matter in exactly this way. With this new strategy King Saul and General Abner agreed for David to take the dare.

Actually David had wondered why there wasn’t a rush from the majority of the members from the ranks of the army to take the dare. The political gain for such a mission would be immeasurable. The winner would be fixed for life.

 David’s plan was simple. He had no intention of getting within fifty feet of Goliath. The Giant was eight feet tall and covered with heavy armor. He carried a sword, a spear and a shield (all in two hands.) This is not exactly a recipe for mobility. David didn’t even wear a shirt. A loin cloth (we Scots call them kilts) was the only clothing David took into battle. This and his trusted sling, which he whirled above his head, was all he had to face the giant. As you know all worked out well for Cousin David and he defeated Goliath in exactly the way he planned.

Cousin David and King Saul now became great friends but the relationship didn’t last too long. Saul became jealous of David after the young man continued to be showered with adulation from the Israelites for the Goliath incident and subsequent victories.

After David became King we Weems had a nice life in a city that was at least above sea level. The city was named after the King and called the “City of David.” As years rolled by, as you might expect, conflict was always just around the corner. Wars and conquest seem to be the only life we would ever know. The next serious problem was the Babylonians. We had lost some of our fighting skills and they simply took us into captivity.

We suffered through this exile and finally some of us were allowed to return home to the Promised Land. The exile had some highlights. King Nebuchadnezzar was so furious with our cousins Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego that he ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual. He then commanded some of the strongest soldiers in his army to tie up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and throw them into the blazing furnace. Exactly how Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego escaped from the furnace is open for debate but they did cause us some anxious moments. We treaded lightly around King Nebuchadnezzar after that. We made sure we could spell his name even though we couldn’t write it.

As I said, some of us were finally released and we returned to Israel. Fortunately the group included some of the Weems. Those that stayed in Babylon took Babylonian names and that makes those family members harder to trace. A complication in Genealogical research for Weems in Babylon is that they didn’t use their surname Weems. Actually nobody used a surname. They didn’t even know they had a surname.

After returning to Israel and suffering through several more wars the family now decided it was decision time.  We had to face the fact the Near East is not a good place to rear a family. We needed somewhere else to go. The decision to leave has proven to be a good one for the family. In the Near East the wars tend to wear on a family and it also keeps their ranks thin. Two additional thousand years more of history has proven the Near East is not a good place to rear a family.

With the decision made, we decided to move to Rome because this great city was the heart of the civilized world. Many of the women didn’t want to move. Women are often reluctant to leave the known for the unknown. But we explained to them that Rome was famous for its debauchery and it would be a lot of fun. This argument proved to be decisive and we left. 

We knew that the Romans had a strict immigration policy. Our plan was devious. We were to creep up to the banks of the Tiber River. Lay low, and during the evening hours we would swim the Tiber arriving in the heart of downtown Rome. Then the first thing we would do the next morning was apply for our green cards.

The plan was perfect. However some where along the way we must have taken the wrong turn at a fork in the road and ended up in Germany. This latest bad turn of events cannot be blamed on Moses. We had left him far behind in distant days. Well, Rome would have been fun. Now we were in for a real shock. We were introduced to the Huns They were no fun at all. Attila, their ruler, was not one with whom to be trifled. As a matter of fact, a successful businessman might do well to adopt the management style of Attila. It is very effective.  

It was during the time we spent in Germany (even though it preceded Attila) we received a surprise invitation to attend the Council of Nicia. We were interested to know what this council intended to do. We were told that Emperor Constantine wanted the Council to write the Bible. The question was raised as to why a Roman Emperor would want a Christian Bible written, As best  I remembered The Emperor had a somewhat checkered past which included killing several kings. He just didn’t appear to be the prime candidate for such a project as writing a bible.  We later found out his driving reason. He was sick and needed a religion that offered instant salvation.

Constantine was the first Christian Emperor. When he was changing religions he had to make a hard choice. Mithraism was available with almost all of the same stories and same perquisites as Christianity. Constantine had to decide quickly between Mithraism and Christianity. Instant salvation was the tie breaker and the result was the formation of the Holy Roman Empire. We got a good Bible out of it too. It became a best seller.

We hoped our relative representing us at the Council of Nicia would clearly establish the Weems relevance in the history of the Near East and slip our names into the Bible often. Unfortunately the Council voted to only use first names to head off these obvious political shenanigans. However, let me assure you many of our relatives are mentioned prominently with the only omission being their last name.

Our family’s success at navigation had not been established at that time we were in Germany. Consequently, to the casual observer it would appear we were wandering. Dealing with the Huns, who like to do nothing but fight, was no picnic but it did prepare us well for the life would face in Scotland. This long trip once again thinned our ranks. We didn’t know where we were nor where we were going but we knew it wasn’t wise to dwell too long in Germany near the Huns. They had no sense of humor. They were a serious bunch.

We continued to move west and ultimately stumbled upon Scotland. At that time there were not many people in this raw and beautiful country. We must remember our early ancestors were from the Near East and the climate in Scotland was quite a change. It was cooler, much cooler. However, we now had found our home and ‘Bonnie Scotland’ would be our home forever.

That was good. The bad however, was the fact that we had arrived in the ‘Dark Ages.’ The ‘Dark Ages’ for those of you who have not studied history was the time before organized sports. With no organized sports there was not much to do but battle each other. We fought constantly over land. This sounds much like the Near East doesn’t it?

To be honest about this situation there were only a few people in the country and Scotland is relatively a large place. The excuse to fight over land actually didn’t hold much water and to war constantly didn’t appear to be a necessity.

Nevertheless, we fought constantly. We fought each other. We fought the English. We even, occasionally, had the Vikings over for a game. These wars kept our ranks pretty thin. As the centuries rolled by England, Scotland and Ireland banded together as the beginning of an Empire.

Parliament followed and seemed like a good idea. This gave the common people a representative government. This appeared to be a good idea at first. Then we found out the bad news. All legislative bodies, at any level, view their job as nothing more than making rules and spending money.

It was a nice job, serving in Parliament, for the people who could get it but for the rest of us were having to bankroll these elected crooks to support their habit. This habit is insatiable and legislative bodies spend most of their time finding new ways to extract money from their subjects. One last comment before moving on, Moses made do with ten rules, no legislative body, such as Parliament, would put up with this lack of creativity. 
 

Our ancestors are now safely in Scotland and my Genealogy pursuit can begin in earnest. My first act as a current genealogist is to declare that I am the Pretender to the Throne of Scotland.

 Pretender to the Throne 

Let me explain. I am taking this opportunity to declare that I am now the Pretender to the Throne for that great land of Scotland because I think the throne could be available. You might puzzle about this bold move. But remember I am not the first. In the 1970s, Ugandan dictator |Idi Amin proclaimed himself King of Scotland. He didn’t get away with it but that doesn’t discourage me.  

The following genealogical studies should you care to read on beyond this prologue clearly establish that I have rich Royal Blood running through my veins, placing me somewhere in line for the very top job in Scotland. Some of you, who might be skeptical, could think my Royal Blood may have become diluted, somewhat, during the last 1400 years. That possibly could be true, but I attribute that possibility more to the small aspirin I take each morning as opposed to any lack of Kingly virtues.

I am aware that currently there is no throne in Scotland, but this fact has been considered deliberately, before my declaration. I am convinced the “Union of the Crowns” enacted in 1603 might not have been legally drawn as tightly as it should have been. Lawyers were not as creative in 1603 as they are today. It is my contention that a good lawyer would have grounds for challenging the establishment of “The Union of the Crowns” in its legality and consequently have this little matter of the joining of three nations set aside. Should I be successful with this challenge I would think my current declaration as the only Pretender to the Throne could very well make me the King of Scotland by default.